【zz】发中英文对照黄色笑话以庆祝博客开通

1、 Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric tooth brush in her hand.



今天，我听见我的姐姐在她的房间里ZW。我带着狗出去遛了遛。我回来的时候正巧碰见她出来，手里拿的东西是——我的电动牙刷。



2、 Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of apotential business partner. When he began to type ’virginia’ into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for ’virginboy assholes’. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I’m a young guy.



今天，我老板叫我去他办公室，给我看一个可能合作的网站。当他在谷歌里面打“Virginia”的时候，网站把他最近搜索过的词条自动补完——“小处男的菊花”。我明天就要和他一起出差。我是个年轻男人。



3、 Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She’s thirteen.



今天，我的女儿问我我是什么时候破处的。当我告诉她是22岁时，她立马大喊道：“我赢喽！！”她今年才13。



4、 Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated tha the was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man.

今天，我结婚9年的老公告诉我说他是搞基的。他甚至还暗示我说，他和我在一起的时候能硬起来，是因为我长得比较爷们。



5、 Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boy friend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush.



今天，我自己一人来到了我和我男友第一次约会的地方：一个孤僻的山上。我注意到有另一对情侣藏在灌木丛中亲热。于是我打电话给我男友，想要告诉他说有人找到了属于我们的秘密幽会地点。然后我就听到了我男友手机的Bob Marley的彩铃声从那堆灌木里飘来。



6、 Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He’s barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek,says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night",and leaves.



今天，我被我老爸突然造访我宿舍的敲门声所吵醒。我把门打开对着在门外的他打招呼，这时候我的室友脱光了衣服拉开了门，亲了我的脸颊，用一种超级搞基的声音说“昨晚你真棒”以后跑了。



7、 Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come outof the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips ont he edge of the floor mat, and uses my ’junk’ to catch herself.



今天，我光着身子站在床边，等着我老婆从浴室里面出来。她打开了浴室的门走向我，扭动着她的腰，什么都没穿。当她离我有四英尺的时候，她在地板垫上跌了一跤，而且用了我的JJ来稳住身形。



8、 Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon.



　　今天，我卫生棉在我的泳装旁边露出了一点点。我男友以为那是我比基尼多余的线头。于是乎他在大庭广众之下把我的卫生棉拉了出来。



9、 Today, I was laying in bed naked and blind folded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him.



　　 今天，我裸身躺在床上，被蒙上了眼罩。我告诉我的男友他把我怎样都行。30分钟以后，我下了床发现他在电脑室打魔兽。他队友需要他。



10、 Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my p*** stash.However,the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite fileremained. When I opened it, I saw avideo of my parents telling me not to masturbate.



今天，我打开电脑查看我的A*V收藏。但是，文件夹除了“我的最爱”文档以外全都空了。我以为是病毒删了所有的东西，但是很庆幸“我的最爱”文档没被删。我打开了以后，看到里面是一个我父母的录像教育我说“SY是不对滴”。



11、 Today, my girl friend decided to strip me naked and blind fold me, then told me I’d get a reward if I caught her. So I ran around naked and blind folded till Icaught her, and then I yelled, "I want my prize onthe kitchen table!"It was her mom who’d just got back from work.



今天，我女友决定把我扒光并把我眼睛蒙上，然后告诉我说如果我抓住她就奖励我。于是我就蒙着眼睛，啥也没穿地四处瞎跑一直到我抓住了她。我大喊：“在厨房桌子上把我的奖励给我吧！”MLGB的我抓住的是她刚下班的妈妈。



12、 Today, I heard my boy friend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla.



今天，我听到了我交往3个月的男友和他的朋友聊天，它们不知道我能听到他们。“就是今晚了”，我男友说，“我要告诉她，我爱她！！”我非常兴奋，感觉我也非常爱他。然后他的朋友就说：“太好了。可是，凯拉怎么办？”我就是凯拉。



13、 Today, my mom’s will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was gay. The executor read it out loud. My mom was the only one who knew.



今天，我妈的遗嘱被宣读给了全家人。遗嘱是我在几年前帮助我妈写的；我会得到一笔资金来付助学贷款。可她自己把遗嘱给改了，注明说我啥也得不到因为我搞基。遗嘱执行人把这段大声朗读了出来。本来只有我妈一个人知道的。